As a lesbian couple, Helen and Nadine enjoy their life together. However, sometimes, we have to admit that a man may come in handy. Here are the 7 (?) moments when we would appreciate a man in our life:
1. Whenever something in house needs a handyman quick fix. A leaking tap, a wall screaming for some paint, a closet in pieces: time to put on the dungarees and roll up our sleeves. Hold on a minute, we don’t even own a pair of dungarees! And rolling up our sleeves is not something we are used to doing, either. Even though we are pretty handy, this is the moment a man in the house would be really handy.
2. The summer is approaching and we are looking forward to relaxing in the garden on our swing bench with some drinks in our hand. Enjoying every moment of sunshine, while the BBQ is being lit. We especially like the idea of relaxing, while a manly guy prepares the BBQ, puts on his heavy duty apron and serves us delicious hamburgers. Where is the guy? Last week we had to do it all by ourselves, we missed him..
3. Waking up in the middle of the night thinking we heard a noise. Panic! OMG, is something moving IN the house? Ohh nooo, we have no pets, so this can’t mean anything even remotely good. What if someone entered the house? A burglar, a bad guy? One of us (the one who pulled the shortest straw) will walk downstairs. Imagine a shivering person walking on the stairs, armed with the best tools she could find that moment: a hairbrush and some hairspray. Not really impressive. It gets even worse when this pussy starts to whisper: Is anyone there? Not to think of the odds that an answer comes. This would definitely mean the brave pussy will make an immediate turn, run upstairs and hide in (or even under) the bed. Where is the knight in shining armour to save us?
4. Every women, and especially every lesbian couple has experienced it: a random person approaching you. We don’t mean someone making casual conversation, no we mean the annoying invasion on your personal space which would receive an immediate nomination on the #metoo list. Men who think you are so very interesting and even more interesting from up really, really close, or men who are totally wasted and couldn’t tell the difference between hitting on you or a wall. Usually the first strategy is to ignore it or to talk your way our of the situation: Hi, how are you doing, could you please step aside? If this doesn’t work, more drastic measures are required: walk in the opposite direction, say no, grab your phone etc. If this still doesn’t help, you can already feel your blood pressure rising. How are you going to get yourself to safety?! Right now and there, you could really use a man to help you or to hide behind.
5. Working your ass off in the kitchen, trying out multiple recipes of Yotam Ottolenghi’s new cookbook, stirring simultaneously in 5 different pans, and then suddenly it happens: the jar you really need right now does…not…open! You wipe your hands and try again. It really has to open now for you have just 10 seconds left to save the main dish with the contents of this jar. You use verbal motivation, but still the jar…does…not…open. Frustrated, you put the jar aside and start rumbling through the kitchen cabinets, looking to something to help you open it. Why is there never a strong man hidden in your cupboard.. to open the jar for you?
6. Shopping is without a doubt one of the activities most women are good at! Our preference goes out to visiting many shops and buying lots of (not really) necessary (but expense) items. It would be awesome if a man will provide us with his credit card, but that will probably only happen in our dreams. We would be really happy though if a man would volunteer to carry our bags.
7. Sitting on a terrace, craving for a nice refreshing drink, but getting no contact whatsoever with the waitress. It looks like our table is cursed and she tries to avoid any contact with it. When this happens we could really use a handsome man to get her attention. We’re kidding! Getting the attention of a waitress (and definitely of a cute and attractive waitress) is not something we need help with. We are perfectly capable of lifting that curse without a man involved. Talking of which, we aso don’t need a man in bed. Really, we don’t!
Even though we are a lesbian couple, we are more than capable to do most things ourselves. Luckily, we live in an era and country that allows us to have a comfortable life as a lesbian couple. Emancipation has its limits though (at least for us) and we admit that at some moments a man really does come in handy.
Helen and Nadine
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